Thursday, 11 April 2013

Why can't I be an Ordinary girl next door?

This is the Question I want to ask everyone reading my blog currently. Why cant I be a normal ordinary girl next door? Why do people have huge expectations from me? Cant I live my life the way I want? Why do you want me to be a role model who never makes mistakes? Why should I now be different and do things differently because somewhere someone is watching and getting influenced? Neither I am any leader, nor I am any social worker.

After my amputation everyone started telling me stories about how handicapped people can climb mountains and how they can compete in various types of sports. How a man lost one hand in a misfiring and learnt to fire with his another hand and thereafter also won some medal in Olympics. How one swimmer beat all odds and won in Olympics, How Oscar Pistorious runs with double amputation and competes with normal people. How Lance Armstrong beat cancer and won many Tour de France. How handicapped people can do cycling, running, swimming, play football, lift weights etc. Everyone focused on how people beat all odds and strive perfection through sports. I was shown a picture where everything was possible. And people who sat at home leading peaceful life were some sort of non-achievers. During Olympics, I would also watch Paralympic sports and would get inspired. I would dream of representing India in sports. I would dream of climbing the Everest and would dream of crossing the English Channel. Ha! dreams suddenly became too big I guess. Now I feel like laughing at my immaturity.

At that time nobody told me stories of people like me living a normal life, an ordinary life. People thought that those stories were not inspiring. Now Oscar Pistorious does not inspire me (Not because he killed his girlfriend but because I dont want to be like him). Lance Armstrong does not inspire me (Not because he doped, but because I dont want to beat anyone). I want to ask you all, Why you never showed me a picture of Stephen Hawking or Edison or Einstein or Beethoven or of Ravindra Jain? They all did marvelous things in their respective fields be it science or Music or Arts. These people were also disabled, they also beat their odds and performed with excellence. Why only sports was given importance in inspiring me? Why not science or arts?
Well This was about famous people who fought disability and became household names. But I am not at all talking about them.

I am talking about numerous people who led their lives with dignity and lead a Normal life. These should be people to be inspired from. I dont want to excel in sports or Science or music or any other field. I want to lead a normal life. I want to do what I used to do before. I dont want my disability to come in between anything. I want to socialise, want to go out with friends, fall in love, get married, do my job nicely, have kids, make plans about future, grow old and die. In all these stages, excellence in sports or science never comes into picture. These are the things I had dreamt of before and I dream now. I want to play Badminton, but dont want to become some sort of a champion in it. I never was and I dont want to be. Playing was always my hobby. Why suddenly it became my priority? These paralympic dreams are not for me. No doubt sport gives you strength and tells others that you are a winner. But the Question arises that do I really want to be a winner? No.

I want to lead an ordinary ordinary life where I can make my own mistakes, where I can decide on my own, where I can choose my field, where I can live a life without any inhibitions or priority, where I can be my own leader and be a social worker just for myself. I can be selfish, I can help whomsoever I want, I can walk on my own path and change it anytime I want. I can be indecisive and also can take my decisions. I want to learn, I want to cry, I want to swim and I want to fly. At the end I want to TRY.